About
Finding my Fit
I, like most kids, was put into several sports as a child. I tried soccer, basketball, volleyball, swimming, figure skating, track and field, tennis, horseback riding, dance, you name it - yet nothing seemed to stick. My competitive nature often got the best of me; I’d get too aggressive, or I’d put myself down for not being good enough - I wanted to be the best at everything I did. So when I failed to fall in love with any of these sports, I decided I didn’t need to participate in any physical activities or train toward a goal. I had no concept of “physical literacy” which I would define as the pursuit of physical activity as an integral part of a healthy lifestyle. To me it means being able to recognize the positive value of movement for both physical and mental health and using it in a healthy way to boost self confidence and mood. When I was younger, I couldn’t recognize the value of fitness and I couldn’t find the motivation to get involved. All I knew was that most people worked out to lose weight, but I’ve always been naturally skinny and underweight. I didn’t want to risk losing weight, and I definitely didn’t want to be shoved around by people who were bigger than me.
It wasn’t until middle school that I began getting shamed for my weight. I was often told to “eat a cheeseburger,” I was called a “stick” or a “twig.” People said they were “afraid they would break me.” People would say I was anorexic. But the truth was - I didn’t workout, I hadn’t previously cared about my weight, and I’ve always loved eating. I was frustrated that I couldn’t simply gain weight. Throughout middle school I had issues with my self-image. Aside from the blatant bullying, I was often the recipient of passive aggressive comments. My friend’s parents, my friends, and even strangers would often look at me and say “Wow, you’re so skinny.” As if I don’t know that, Karen - thank you for enlightening me. Each time something was said, I grew more distraught. Having a twin sister who weighed more than me, hit puberty first, and often attracted the attention of others didn’t help. As the “ugly twin” with braces, frizzy curly hair, and sticks for legs, I always felt inferior - but I didn’t know how to change my negative mindset.
During my junior year of high school I found SoulCycle, an indoor cycling studio, that my mindset began to shift. I went to a few classes and then quickly became addicted. There was something so settling about cycling in a dark room, surrounded by sweaty strangers, working my ass off. The instructor would preach to us about self love, hard work, community, and the wonders of acceptance. The strangers soon became friends and the studio soon became a safe community for me built on diversity, acceptance, love, and inclusion. I didn’t get made fun of for my body, in fact there were bodies of all shapes and sizes there all reaching toward the same goal. We all had something to prove to ourselves. I would bask in the adrenaline I felt after class, taking every piece of advice the instructor said to heart. I began falling in love with fitness.
What I wouldn’t admit to myself, however, is that SoulCycle wasn’t helping me reach my physical goals. I wanted to be stronger, bigger, more intimidating. But repetitive cardio kept me at my same weight, maybe even made me lose some weight. It didn’t matter, I was in love with the community - I finally felt loved. SoulCycle was my escape from high school.
Fitness was my passion. I finally found something to fall in love with, to work towards. However, near the middle of summer, with only two months left before starting college, I broke my back in a horseback riding accident. When the ER doctor confirmed the break, I cried. Not because I was in excruciating pain, but because I knew it meant I couldn’t work out. Instead of using adversity to drive me toward a goal, I pitied myself. My mental health quickly plummeted. Working out was my way of coping, so without it I felt discouraged, defeated, lost. My parents even asked me if I still wanted to go to Davis or if I should stay home.
I knew I needed change, so I kept my mind set on moving out and starting over. As soon as I moved into the dorms, everything turned around. I was able to workout again, I was doing well in school, I felt loved by my new friends. It was just my luck that someone in my biology study group mentioned she did Crossfit. I had always heard of Crossfit and thought, wow, that is so bad-ass. I instantly started asking her questions and she told me there was a free class every Sunday to check it out. The next Sunday, I went. The Crossfit Davis box is small, but man is it intimidating. I walked in and the early morning class was just finishing their workout. Buff men and women were doing what looked like lifting 1000 pounds and moving at the speed of light. I stood in awe. Once they all cleared out, I met with a coach and a few other people who were there to try out a class as well. We did a workout and I felt like I was going to faint and throw up at the same time. After that, I asked the trainer if I could purchase a membership.
I started in the intro classes and soon was working out with everyone else. I felt self conscious however - a skinny tall girl lifting the lightest weight in a gym filled with the strongest people I had ever seen. But the more I went, the more I fell in love with weightlifting. I began making friends at the gym and seeing the physical process. I wasn’t lifting the lightest weight in the gym anymore, I was gaining muscle and confidence. When I went home for summer break, I found the closest Crossfit box to where I was working. It was huge, at least six times bigger than Crossfit Davis. There were Crossfit Games athletes who trained there, and I was intimidated all over again. This is when I started going consistently. I went every day after work. I trained with an Olympic weightlifting coach and my progress was visible. My physical competence, along with my muscle mass, kept growing. I learned that it is important to push myself in workouts, to feed off the energy of those around me, to ask the trainer questions about movements I do not understand or feel confident about, and to allow my body to rest. Additionally, I’ve learned that maxing out lifts isn’t everything - it is safest to master technique before trying to lift heavier. Progress can be slow but it can only be made when done correctly. When I moved back to Davis at the end of summer, the trainers asked me what I had been doing all summer because I had become a totally different, better lifter. It felt amazing to have my progress acknowledged.
As a kid no one tells you the important physical literacy, or “the motivation, confidence, physical competence, knowledge, and understanding to value and take responsibility for engagement in physical activities for life” (The International Physical Literacy Association, 2014). All they tell you is to exercise so you don’t become obese. What they don’t tell you is how good it feels to see progress, how lifting heavy weights is incredibly empowering, how you’ll meet like-minded people who will push you to your limits, and how you’ll learn to love your body for everything it can do.
I made a schedule for fall quarter and stuck to it - I went to Crossfit five to six days a week, and I ended up making some of my best friends through the gym. They motivate me to work harder than I knew was possible. We compete against each other in workouts, fueling the fire in each of us to be the best. Yet we also all support and motivate each other to push our own physical and mental limits, inside and outside the gym. Learning to take responsibility for my health and wellbeing has helped me flourish in college. My Crossfit journey started almost a year ago from today and I can now say that I am the healthiest I have ever been, gaining muscle and weight, and constantly implementing the positive skills I have learned in the gym in my everyday life.
I have become healthier not only physically but also mentally. Becoming physically competent has helped me cope with my anxiety and depression as I have learned to refocus my negative emotions into my workout, pushing myself to my limits. I have learned to take 1-2 rest days a week where I can let my body relax and feel the soreness of the progress I am making. Becoming physically literate has helped me become more physically aware and knowledgeable about my own body. I now know what muscles need special attention and stretching out, I know how to fuel my body with nutritious foods, and I know how to listen to my body when it needs rest, and push it when I know I can work harder.
Over the recent winter break, I had my tonsils removed; I was in so much pain and unable to eat, or leave my bed for two weeks. I lost 15 pounds and felt all my progress had gone down the drain. But instead of throwing a pity party for myself, I came back to Davis and immediately went to Crossfit. I started slow and used the opportunity to work on my technique instead of trying to max out my lifts. I applied my literacy to my work ethic as I learned to listen to my body and safely push my limits. I stopped comparing myself to others and instead turned my focus to the progress I had made and the challenges that I overcame.
I, like most kids, was put into several sports as a child. I tried soccer, basketball, volleyball, swimming, figure skating, track and field, tennis, horseback riding, dance, you name it - yet nothing seemed to stick. My competitive nature often got the best of me; I’d get too aggressive, or I’d put myself down for not being good enough - I wanted to be the best at everything I did. So when I failed to fall in love with any of these sports, I decided I didn’t need to participate in any physical activities or train toward a goal. I had no concept of “physical literacy” which I would define as the pursuit of physical activity as an integral part of a healthy lifestyle. To me it means being able to recognize the positive value of movement for both physical and mental health and using it in a healthy way to boost self confidence and mood. When I was younger, I couldn’t recognize the value of fitness and I couldn’t find the motivation to get involved. All I knew was that most people worked out to lose weight, but I’ve always been naturally skinny and underweight. I didn’t want to risk losing weight, and I definitely didn’t want to be shoved around by people who were bigger than me.
It wasn’t until middle school that I began getting shamed for my weight. I was often told to “eat a cheeseburger,” I was called a “stick” or a “twig.” People said they were “afraid they would break me.” People would say I was anorexic. But the truth was - I didn’t workout, I hadn’t previously cared about my weight, and I’ve always loved eating. I was frustrated that I couldn’t simply gain weight. Throughout middle school I had issues with my self-image. Aside from the blatant bullying, I was often the recipient of passive aggressive comments. My friend’s parents, my friends, and even strangers would often look at me and say “Wow, you’re so skinny.” As if I don’t know that, Karen - thank you for enlightening me. Each time something was said, I grew more distraught. Having a twin sister who weighed more than me, hit puberty first, and often attracted the attention of others didn’t help. As the “ugly twin” with braces, frizzy curly hair, and sticks for legs, I always felt inferior - but I didn’t know how to change my negative mindset.
During my junior year of high school I found SoulCycle, an indoor cycling studio, that my mindset began to shift. I went to a few classes and then quickly became addicted. There was something so settling about cycling in a dark room, surrounded by sweaty strangers, working my ass off. The instructor would preach to us about self love, hard work, community, and the wonders of acceptance. The strangers soon became friends and the studio soon became a safe community for me built on diversity, acceptance, love, and inclusion. I didn’t get made fun of for my body, in fact there were bodies of all shapes and sizes there all reaching toward the same goal. We all had something to prove to ourselves. I would bask in the adrenaline I felt after class, taking every piece of advice the instructor said to heart. I began falling in love with fitness.
What I wouldn’t admit to myself, however, is that SoulCycle wasn’t helping me reach my physical goals. I wanted to be stronger, bigger, more intimidating. But repetitive cardio kept me at my same weight, maybe even made me lose some weight. It didn’t matter, I was in love with the community - I finally felt loved. SoulCycle was my escape from high school.
Fitness was my passion. I finally found something to fall in love with, to work towards. However, near the middle of summer, with only two months left before starting college, I broke my back in a horseback riding accident. When the ER doctor confirmed the break, I cried. Not because I was in excruciating pain, but because I knew it meant I couldn’t work out. Instead of using adversity to drive me toward a goal, I pitied myself. My mental health quickly plummeted. Working out was my way of coping, so without it I felt discouraged, defeated, lost. My parents even asked me if I still wanted to go to Davis or if I should stay home.
I knew I needed change, so I kept my mind set on moving out and starting over. As soon as I moved into the dorms, everything turned around. I was able to workout again, I was doing well in school, I felt loved by my new friends. It was just my luck that someone in my biology study group mentioned she did Crossfit. I had always heard of Crossfit and thought, wow, that is so bad-ass. I instantly started asking her questions and she told me there was a free class every Sunday to check it out. The next Sunday, I went. The Crossfit Davis box is small, but man is it intimidating. I walked in and the early morning class was just finishing their workout. Buff men and women were doing what looked like lifting 1000 pounds and moving at the speed of light. I stood in awe. Once they all cleared out, I met with a coach and a few other people who were there to try out a class as well. We did a workout and I felt like I was going to faint and throw up at the same time. After that, I asked the trainer if I could purchase a membership.
I started in the intro classes and soon was working out with everyone else. I felt self conscious however - a skinny tall girl lifting the lightest weight in a gym filled with the strongest people I had ever seen. But the more I went, the more I fell in love with weightlifting. I began making friends at the gym and seeing the physical process. I wasn’t lifting the lightest weight in the gym anymore, I was gaining muscle and confidence. When I went home for summer break, I found the closest Crossfit box to where I was working. It was huge, at least six times bigger than Crossfit Davis. There were Crossfit Games athletes who trained there, and I was intimidated all over again. This is when I started going consistently. I went every day after work. I trained with an Olympic weightlifting coach and my progress was visible. My physical competence, along with my muscle mass, kept growing. I learned that it is important to push myself in workouts, to feed off the energy of those around me, to ask the trainer questions about movements I do not understand or feel confident about, and to allow my body to rest. Additionally, I’ve learned that maxing out lifts isn’t everything - it is safest to master technique before trying to lift heavier. Progress can be slow but it can only be made when done correctly. When I moved back to Davis at the end of summer, the trainers asked me what I had been doing all summer because I had become a totally different, better lifter. It felt amazing to have my progress acknowledged.
As a kid no one tells you the important physical literacy, or “the motivation, confidence, physical competence, knowledge, and understanding to value and take responsibility for engagement in physical activities for life” (The International Physical Literacy Association, 2014). All they tell you is to exercise so you don’t become obese. What they don’t tell you is how good it feels to see progress, how lifting heavy weights is incredibly empowering, how you’ll meet like-minded people who will push you to your limits, and how you’ll learn to love your body for everything it can do.
I made a schedule for fall quarter and stuck to it - I went to Crossfit five to six days a week, and I ended up making some of my best friends through the gym. They motivate me to work harder than I knew was possible. We compete against each other in workouts, fueling the fire in each of us to be the best. Yet we also all support and motivate each other to push our own physical and mental limits, inside and outside the gym. Learning to take responsibility for my health and wellbeing has helped me flourish in college. My Crossfit journey started almost a year ago from today and I can now say that I am the healthiest I have ever been, gaining muscle and weight, and constantly implementing the positive skills I have learned in the gym in my everyday life.
I have become healthier not only physically but also mentally. Becoming physically competent has helped me cope with my anxiety and depression as I have learned to refocus my negative emotions into my workout, pushing myself to my limits. I have learned to take 1-2 rest days a week where I can let my body relax and feel the soreness of the progress I am making. Becoming physically literate has helped me become more physically aware and knowledgeable about my own body. I now know what muscles need special attention and stretching out, I know how to fuel my body with nutritious foods, and I know how to listen to my body when it needs rest, and push it when I know I can work harder.
Over the recent winter break, I had my tonsils removed; I was in so much pain and unable to eat, or leave my bed for two weeks. I lost 15 pounds and felt all my progress had gone down the drain. But instead of throwing a pity party for myself, I came back to Davis and immediately went to Crossfit. I started slow and used the opportunity to work on my technique instead of trying to max out my lifts. I applied my literacy to my work ethic as I learned to listen to my body and safely push my limits. I stopped comparing myself to others and instead turned my focus to the progress I had made and the challenges that I overcame.